Journal entry #2 – My Healing Season

I am more in love with myself than I have ever been, but this wasn’t always the case. I didn’t realize until this year how unhealthy I had been majority of my life. My mindset was unhealthy, my thought patterns were unhealthy, my decisions to be in certain romantic relationships came from a broken place, I mean you name it! I was basically an unhealthy person all around, until God turned things around for me this year!! Now, I can confidently say that I am the healthiest and happiest version of myself, and I am only just getting started!

Journey to restoration…

At the end of 2022, I had to think about what I was going to name 2023. Naming my year is a tradition I’ve been a part of in my church for the past 10+ years. I prayed about what to name my year, and I heard God tell me “the year of Restoration.” I wasn’t sure if I heard correctly because I wanted my year to be something more profound like “the year of unmerited favor” or “the year of unending blessings”. I kept hearing restoration a few times, so I wrote it down but then I crossed it out because it wasn’t really hitting like I wanted it to. After fighting it, I finally gave in and decided to name my year ‘The year of Restoration.’

I wasn’t ready…

It’s funny because it was as if God knew there was a lot I needed to heal from (duh! He’s all knowing right?!). The year barely began, and I already had to heal from a breakup lol. In fact the breakup was a catalyst to other healing in other areas of my life that I needed, but didn’t even know I needed. In February I went back to therapy (I started last year), and let me just say this – therapists are one of God’s gifts to man. I decided to go back to therapy to talk about my breakup and heal from it, but in doing so I also uncovered many other things from my childhood I needed to heal from (i’ll share the full testimony one day). But i’ll say this – I uncovered from therapy that all of the negative beliefs I had about myself were the driving forces for most of the decisions I was making in my life. Yes, I had a rough childhood but that didn’t need to define me. I believed for so many years that I wasn’t good enough or wasn’t worthy enough, but with lots of therapy homework and the Word of God, I conquered, and continue to conquer those negative beliefs!

Scriptures that have helped me in this season:

• Psalm 139:17-18 NLT- “How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered! I can’t even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand! And when I wake up, you are still with me!”
• Isaiah 44:2 NLT – “The Lord who made you and helps you says: Do not be afraid, O Jacob, my servant, O dear Israel, my chosen one.”
• Jeremiah 1:5 NLT– “I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations.”
• Isaiah 43:2 NLT– “When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.”
• Luke 12:6-7 NLT – “What is the price of five sparrows—two copper coins? Yet God does not forget a single one of them. And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows.”

Lessons in this season: 

Healing is a lifelong journey, and as I continue on this journey, I want to share a few of my personal lessons:

• I say this the best season of my life because more than anything I have fallen more in love with Jesus than ever. I’ve been a christian all my life, but this season hits differently. Reading the bible has become more interesting. Learning about God’s attributes is sooo fascinating; not only do I get to learn more about God and build a relationship with Him, I also get the blueprint of what to hope for in my next relationship/future marriage, which is so exciting to me because like i alluded to earlier, I have always done relationships wrong, and now I have a chance to get it right!!
• I realized that God needed this season to happen so that He can do the things He actually intends to do in my life. He wants me to be the healthiest version of myself so that I can actually do the work He has called me to do on this earth. I mean there’s no way I can impact a generation of women without being a whole woman, right?
• God is the most constant, consistent, and gentle person I have ever encountered. His consistency in the pursuit of me, and His gentleness even in my unending mistakes is sometimes so overwhelming, yet humbling.

My encouragement to those in their healing season:

• Lean on God during this season. He already knows what you are going through and His arms are wide open waiting to embrace you and walk you through your healing journey, so don’t run away from Him.
• It’s ok to cry and sit in the uncomfortableness of things as you heal. This is something that was so hard for me to do in the beginning of my journey, but has gotten easier (i still fight it sometimes lol)
• Lastly…give yourself some grace! If there is anyone that is super hard on themselves, it’s me. I’m so critical of myself sometimes and sometimes I don’t even give myself room to be a human that makes mistakes. I’m here to tell you that making mistakes will happen, and when they do (not if, but when), it is completely OK! Remember, its progress over perfection!

Although this year has been a roller coaster, and I’m still on this beautiful journey of healing and falling more in love with myself, I can still confidently say that I’m exactly where I need to be, but more importantly, where God needs me to be!

Thanks for reading, and happy healing!

Xo,

Nancin <3